Thank you all so much who gave time, resources, efforts, etc. to make the day absolutely magical!
Hello, good afternoon, and welcome.
When we come to ceremonies like this we are often told that we are gathered here today to celebrate love, and while this is true, a ceremony is so much more than that. Each ceremony we hold seeks to transport and to transform. All of us present have traveled here physically, and during this ceremony, we are all being further transported to a reverential space where we can reflect on all the personal transformations experienced in our lives. Transformations like what Ana and Greg are about to undergo, as they become before us, and for each other, a wife and a husband, and embrace the new role within our community of friends and family.
So let’s take a moment to reflect on the love that we celebrate. There are many descriptions of love available to us, and they range from the empirical to the poetic.
Renowned evolutionary biologist and author Richard Dawkins writes in a letter to his young daughter: “People sometimes say that you must believe in feelings deep inside, otherwise you’d never be confident of things like ‘My wife loves me’. But this is a bad argument. There can be plenty of evidence that somebody loves you. All through the day when you are with somebody who loves you, you see and hear lots of little tidbits of evidence, and they all add up. It isn’t purely inside feeling, like the feeling that priests call revelation. There are outside things to back up the inside feeling: looks in the eye, tender notes in the voice, little favors and kindnesses; this is all real evidence.”
Waxing more poetic, in his book, The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran states that “Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love; if it finds you worthy, it directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.”
Similarly, the Dali Lama reminds us to: “Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk. And that a loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life. Be gentle with the earth, be gentle with one another. When disagreements come remember always to protect the spirit of your union. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. So love yourselves, love one another, love all that is your life together and all else will follow.”
A refreshingly short description comes from Antoine de Saint-Exupéry: “Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
Shorter still, the Beatles sing, “All you need is love…”
With those descriptions and so many more, humankind has sought to define this feeling and state of being that are at once as evident as the vast oceans of this planet, and as ephemeral as the morning dew. Like water, love can move and change form, but it is still the same love. At a wedding, we can observe just how this love continues to move; the love that flows around and through Ana and Greg would not be there without all the love that has come from their families and friends. At this time, Ana and Greg would like for all of us to pause and reflect upon how love has flowed through our lives, and to honor all those, with us and passed, who have loved and nurtured us.
[pause]
The value of gratitude cannot be overstated. It is the consistent practice of gratitude that lends us the perspective necessary to identify what is truly important in our lives. As we give thanks for all the gifts given to us by our family, friends and community we come to realize the power of our own unique gifts. We truly grow into our full potential as human beings when we continue the cycle and begin to share our gifts with the community and with the people we love. In this way we all progress together.
Similarly, the vows we make to others are reflections of the promises we make to ourselves. These promises, and our dedication to keeping them, guide us along the journey of becoming the people we desire to be.
Today, Ana and Greg are sharing vows that they wrote for, and with, each other. In doing so, they step onto their new path together, guided by shared goals and desires.
[Recitation of the vows: hand the mic to Ana, who will then alternate with Greg in reciting the vows]
[Both] I Promise…
[Ana] To walk beside you on a journey of mutual self discovery
[Greg] To respect and honor who you are, who you have been, and who you have yet to become
[A] To communicate fearlessly and honestly with you, and to hold space for you to do the same
[G] To listen with compassion and speak with integrity
[A] To practice growing in happiness each day
[G] To respect the balance between self & selfless; independence & togetherness; offering & accepting; teaching & learning; and challenging & sheltering
[A] To receive everything in our relationship as teachings meant to open our hearts and minds
[G] To cultivate loving-kindness and gratitude as the basis for being
[Both] To love you unconditionally, faithfully, and fully, come what may, through all our days
As members all of this loving community of friends and family, we have a charge before us, should we choose to accept it. Ana and Greg have just demonstrated to us the commitment they make to each other, and have elaborated on their specific goals through their vows. There will be times ahead for them when the lessons of life get hard to bear, and when this happens we have the opportunity to provide them support, and help them not to falter in the promises they’ve made here today.
In your company, we hold this marriage to be self evident; there is no power vested in me by the state, or by any higher authority that either sanctifies or augments this union… the marriage is reborn each day in the choices that Ana and Greg make, and the actions that they take.
Ana, do you choose to take Greg as your husband?
[Ana] I do {Greg puts a ring on it}
Greg, do you choose to take Ana as your wife?
[Greg] I do {Ana puts a ring on it}
Ana, Greg, do the thing!
Please join me in welcoming the newly-wed members of our loving community; Ana and Greg!
My sixth grade English teacher told me that a great way to write a speech is to choose a word as the theme, and expand from there. When I found out I would be giving a speech on this special day for Greg and Ana, one word came to mind as a dominant theme in their lives: passion.
The first thing I did, of course, was Google the term. The definition was not exactly what I expected. Passion is not only a description of intense love and enthusiasm; its original meeting actually comes from the Latin “passio”: to suffer.... I found this double meaning to be perplexing at first, but then I realized that this duality of the definition presents a powerful metaphor which actually enhances its everyday meaning.
In the years I have known Ana and Greg, I have seen passion as a core value in their lives. They embody not only love and enthusiasm for life, but the willingness to suffer in one way or another for what they truly love. Whether a splinter while woodworking, the blisters and bruises of aerial acrobatic arts, a sore neck from weeding a garden, late nights making lesson plans, or dedicating time to help others in need, to be truly passionate requires their willingness to make personal sacrifices along the way. The passion they both show makes Greg and Ana both individually great people, a great couple, great family members, great teachers, and great friends to so many.
Since I've known Greg for much longer, I will take a moment to share just a few of his countless passions:
Physics and engineering education, wood carving and carpentry, Gondola rowing, kung fu, tool collecting, homemade sauerkraut, geology, calligraphy, animal sound mimicry, native horticulture, chicken husbandry, hiking, biking, wilderness survival tactics, acapella Disney sing alongs, entomology, blacksmithing, creative cuisine (for better or worse!), traditional Chinese medicine, maximizing the cutting ability of various cutlery, zen meditation, innovative underground architectural design, properly pronouncing long-forgotten phonemes of the English language, long walks on the beach, exotic cheeses, and, of course, his, now wife, Ana.
...
Shortly before I was married, my school's principal advised me that in marriage there are three rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring! This tongue-in-cheek saying pokes fun at the challenges of marriage, but it rings true in the reality of what it means to show real passion for a spouse. Whether it means suffering through pop music on a road trip, or remaining supportive in the most challenging of times, compromise and the willingness to bend for one another are cornerstones of a successful marriage.
Anyone who knows Ana and Greg knows how strong their passions are in all aspects of their lives, and, most importantly today, for each other. Mr. and Mrs. Gregory and Ana Coffey, as you start this next chapter of your lives, I want to wish you many, many years of passion for one another, heavy on all the positives life has to offer, and light on the suffering! Let's raise our glasses to the bride and groom! Cheers!